| ||||||||||
|
 |
| ||||||||
|
| ||||||||||
|
| ||||||||||
 |
|
My child is afraid of strangers and never wants to leave my side. Is this normal? Between the ages of eight and twelve months, your child sometimes may seem like two separate babies. First there’s the one who’s open, affectionate, and outgoing with you. But then there’s another who’s anxious, clinging, and easily frightened around unfamiliar people or objects. Some people may tell you that your child is fearful or shy because you’re “spoiling” her, but don’t believe it. Her widely diverse behavior patterns aren’t caused by you or your parenting style; they occur because she’s now, for the first time, able to tell the difference between familiar and unfamiliar situations. If anything, the predictable anxieties of this period are evidence of her healthy relationship with you. An emotional milestone Anxiety around strangers is usually one of the first emotional milestones your baby will reach. You may think something is wrong when this child of yours who, at the age of three months, interacted calmly with people she didn’t know is now beginning to tense up when strangers come too close. This is normal for this age, and you need not worry. Even relatives and frequent babysitters with whom your baby was once comfortable may prompt her to hide or cry now, especially if they approach her hastily. At about the same time, she’ll become much more “clutchy” about leaving you. This is the start of separation anxiety. Just as she’s starting to realize that each object is unique and permanent, she’ll also discover that there’s only one of you. When you’re out of her sight, she’ll know you’re somewhere, but not with her, and this will cause her great distress. She’ll have so little sense of time that she won’t know when—or even whether—you’ll be coming back. Once she gets a little older, her memory of past experiences with you will comfort her when you’re gone, and she’ll be able to anticipate a reunion. But for now she’s only aware of the present, so every time you leave her sight—even to go to the next room— she’ll fuss and cry. When you leave her with someone else, she may scream as though her heart will break. At bedtime, she’ll refuse to leave you to go to sleep, and then she may wake up searching for you in the middle of the night. How long it will last Separation anxiety usually peaks between ten and eighteen months and then fades during the last half of the second year. In some ways, this phase of your child’s emotional development will be especially tender for both of you, while in others, it will be painful. After all, her desire to be with you is a sign of her attachment to her first and greatest love—namely you. The intensity of her feeling as she hurtles into your arms is irresistible, especially when you realize that no one—including your child herself— will ever again think you are quite as perfect as she does at this age. On the other hand, you may feel suffocated by her constant clinging, while experiencing guilt whenever you leave her crying for you. Fortunately, this emotional roller coaster eventually will subside along with her separation anxiety. But in the meantime, try to downplay your leave-taking as much as possible. Here are some suggestions that may help.
If your child has a strong, healthy attachment to you, her separation anxiety probably will occur earlier than in other babies, and she’ll pass through it more quickly. Instead of resenting her possessiveness during these months, maintain as much warmth and good humor as you can. Through your actions, you’re showing her how to express and return love. This is the emotional base she’ll rely on in years to come.
Published online:
6/07 The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
|
|
| ||
|
| ||||||
 | ||||||
| ||||||
Separation
Anxiety