Parenting Corner Q & A: Twins

Twins

We are having twins! How do we make sure both children get enough of our attention?

Keeping your twins on the same schedule when they are young infants has many wonderful benefits; however, always keep in the forefront of your mind that your twins are 2 unique individuals. Even at this early age, look for opportunities to connect with each of your twins as individuals. You can take one of your babies out alone for some special individual time while the other twin enjoys special one-on-one time with your spouse or another trusted adult caregiver. Special one-on-one time, even starting at infancy, can help you and each of your twins bond and get to know one another better.

A child who received plenty of positive one-on-one time will be less likely to act out in other areas to receive negative attention. Attention, whether positive or negative, is what your twins crave from you. These one-on-one moments of positive interaction are also needed so you can start to recognize the individual and unique traits that each twin has. Even identical twins can have very different ways of looking at the world.

How can a busy family squeeze in one-on-one time with each child? Get creative and look for new ways each week. Every family needs to grocery shop periodically. You can rotate turns each week for special one-on-one shopping trips with a parent. One child gets a fun outing, seeing all the excitement at the store and learning colors and numbers as you select 4 green apples to put in a bag, while the other child gets playtime with the caregiver at home. You won't need to feel guilty about it because the next weekend, it will be the other twin's turn to go. If a relative lives nearby, perhaps he can stay home with one twin while you take the other for a walk to talk about things you see in the neighborhood, squeezing in a bit of healthy exercise as well.

On days that mom and dad are home, you don't even need to leave the house to get individual special time with your kids. One parent can take one twin out to the yard while the other parent reads with the other twin. One twin can play upstairs with mom while the other twin colors downstairs with dad. Make it a natural part of your household routine to occasionally separate the twins. Remind yourself to not simply think of your twins as a unit that cannot be split up.

The twin bond is beautiful and will always be special for your children and family. However, as your twins grow, continue to give your kids plenty of opportunities to be individuals and pursue their own interests. They will have different strengths, and these traits should be celebrated. Twins will always have a strong relationship, but each individual twin will go on to make his own friends, participate in different sports and activities, and have different life experiences.

Make sure you continue to provide each of your twins with a separate birthday cake each year! Do your best to help each of your twins find ways of establishing her own individuality, separate from her siblings. Encourage your family members to respect each twin's individuality to help each of your children navigate their social worlds with a better sense of self-identity.

The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.