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Behavior

What is the best way to handle a "difficult" child?

Here are some general strategies and solutions to help you live with a youngster with bothersome temperament traits:

  1. First, recognize that much of your child's behavior reflects his temperament.
  2. Establish a neutral or objective emotional climate in which to deal with your child. Try not to respond in an emotional and instinctive manner, which is unproductive.
  3. Don't take your child's behavior personally. Temperament is innate, and your child probably is not purposely trying to be difficult or irritating. Don't blame him or yourself.
  4. Try to prioritize the issues and problems surrounding your child. Some are more important and deserve greater attention. Others are not as relevant and can be either ignored or put "way down the list."
  5. Focus on the issues of the moment. Do not project into the future.
  6. Review your expectations of your child, your preferences and your values. Are they realistic and appropriate? When your youngster does something right, praise him and reinforce the specific behaviors that you like.
  7. Consider your own temperament and behavior, and how they might also be difficult. Think how you might need to adjust yourself a bit to encourage a better fit with your child.
  8. Anticipate impending high-risk situations, and try to avoid or minimize them. Accept the possibility that this may be a difficult day or circumstance, and be prepared to make the best of it.
  9. Find a way to get some relief for yourself and your child by scheduling some time apart.
  10. Seek professional help, when needed, from your pediatrician or another expert in child behavior.
Temperamental Trait Positive Characteristics Difficult or Challenging Behaviors What to Do
High Activity Level Energetic, vigorous. Investigates his environment. Remains active even in boring circumstances. Restless, very active. May be impulsive, reckless. Easily distracted from tasks Anticipate high-activity. Use safety precautions if necessary. Practice distraction techniques. Provide opportunities to burn off energy and cool down.
Low Activity Level Is unlikely to disrupt activities in small, cramped spaces. Slow pace in performing tasks; often labeled "lazy". Gives appearance of drowsiness. Provide additional time to finish tasks. Make tasks realistic within the designated time frame. Avoid criticism of child's slow pace.
Irregularity (Low Regularity) May not be upset by disruptions in daily routine activities. Unpredictable patterns of eating, sleeping, using the toilet. Identify child's patterns and adhere to them as much as possible. Don't force the child to eat or sleep when not ready; require child to follow routines of coming to the table or going to bed without forcing eating or sleeping.
Initial Withdrawal Demonstrates caution in risky circumstances. Rejection of people, food, situations. Very shy of clingy. Slow to accept change. Introduce new things gradually, talk about them beforehand, let child proceed at own pace.
Slow Adaptability Lower likelihood of being affected by negative influences. Difficulty with changes and transitions. Takes a long time to adapt and adjust. Establish daily consistent and predictable routines. Avoid unnecessary changes and prepare the child in advance. Try multiple brief exposures.
High Intensity Child's needs get the attention of caregivers. Expresses emotions in extremes instead of cries. Yells rather than talks. Intensity is sometimes mistaken for desire. Learn to be tolerant. Model more appropriate responses, give general feedback and provide alternative responses.
Negative Mood Concern may get parents involved in issues surrounding the child. Fussy, complains a lot, appears very serious and displays little pleasure in words and actions. Parents may overestimate importance of a child's complaint. Understand that mood is a major part of temperament. It is not your fault. Adjust expectations or demands that intensify mood. Encourage positive responses.
Inattention and Distractability Can soothe the child easily. Doesn't listen. Has difficulty concentrating and studying. Gets pulled off task easily and needs reminders. Keep tasks, instructions, and explanations short and simple. Remove distractions and competing stimuli. Practice good communication skills: Get his attention, address by name, use eye contact, repeat, clarify and review. Provide frequent breaks and require the child to return to the task at hand when reminded. When necessary, redirect your child without anger or shame. Provide praise for completing the task.
Low Sensitivity Threshold High awareness of changes in surroundings and of nuances in the feelings and thoughts of others. Overreacts even to normal stimuli (light, noise, smells, textures, pain, social-emotional events). Reduce level of stimulation. Anticipate problems and prepare child. Respect child's preferences when possible.

 

Published online: 6/07

 Source: Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12 (Copyright © 2003 American Academy of Pediatrics)
To order a copy of this book visit the AAP Bookstore.
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The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.



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