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 Preparing
Siblings for a New Baby
How
should we prepare our older children for their new baby brother or
sister?
A
new baby brings joys and challenges to a family. Parents are excited
but they are also nervous about how their older children will react
to the newborn. All sorts of questions come up: How should we tell
our older children that they are going to have a baby brother or sister?
Will they be jealous of the new baby? How can we help them get along?
Children of different
ages will react differently to a new baby. Knowing what to expect
from each age group will make it easier to handle the changes in your
family.
Ages 1 to 2
years
Children of this
age will not understand much about what it means to have a new brother
or sister. However, let your child hear you talk about the "new
baby" and feel your excitement. She may not understand why you
are excited, but your attitude will rub off on her and she will feel
excited too.
Keep in mind,
you may not be able to satisfy the needs of both children all the
time—especially not by yourself. If you feel overwhelmed, look
to your spouse, other relatives, and friends for support and an extra
set of arms.
Other ideas to
help prepare your very young child for a new sibling include
-
Look
at picture books about a new baby. At the very least, your child
will become familiar with words like "sister," "brother,"
and "new baby."
-
When
the new baby arrives, try to do something special for your older
child to reassure her she is still loved. Some ideas include
giving her a special gift; letting her spend some time alone with
dad, grandma, or another special adult; or taking her someplace
special.
Ages 2 to 4
years
At this age, your
child is still very attached to you and does not yet understand how
to share you with others. Your child also may be very sensitive to
change and may feel threatened by the idea of a new family member.
Here are some suggestions that may help ease your preschooler into
being a big brother or big sister.
-
Wait
a while before telling your preschooler about the baby. Explain
it to your child when you start buying nursery furniture or baby
clothes or if he starts asking about mom's growing "stomach."
Picture books for preschoolers can be very helpful. So can sibling
classes (ask your hospital if it offers them). Try to tell your
child before he hears about the new baby from someone else.
-
Be
honest. Explain that the baby will be cute and cuddly but will
also cry and take a lot of your time and attention. Also, make sure
that your older child knows that it may be a while before he can
play with the new baby. Reassure your child that you will love him
just as much after the baby is born as you do now.
-
Involve
your preschooler in planning for the baby. This will make him
less jealous. Let him shop with you for baby items. Show him his
own baby pictures. If you are going to use some of his old baby
things, let him play with them a bit before you get them ready for
the new baby. Buy your child (boy or girl) a doll so he can take
care of "his" baby.
-
Time
major changes in your child's routine. If you can, finish toilet
training or switching from a crib to a bed before the baby arrives.
If that is not possible, put them off until after the baby is settled
in at home. Otherwise, your child may feel overwhelmed by trying
to learn new things on top of all the changes caused by the new
baby.
-
Expect
your child to regress a little. For example, your toilet-trained
child might suddenly start having "accidents," or he might
want to take a bottle. This is normal and is your older child's
way of making sure he still has your love and attention. Instead
of telling him to act his age, let him have the attention he needs.
Praise him when he acts more grown-up.
-
Prepare
your child for when you are in the hospital. He may be confused
when you leave for the hospital. Explain that you will be back with
the new baby in a few days.
-
Set
aside special time for your older child. Read, play games, listen
to music, or simply talk together. Show him that you love him and
want to do things with him. Also, make him feel a part of things
by having him cuddle next to you when you feed the baby.
-
Ask
family and friends to spend a little time with your older child
when they come to see the new baby. This will help him feel
special and not left out of all the excitement. They might also
give him a small gift when they bring gifts for the baby.
-
Have
your older child spend time with dad. A new baby presents a
great opportunity for fathers to spend time alone with older children.
School-aged
children
Children older
than 5 years are usually not as threatened by a new baby as younger
children are. However, they may resent the attention the new baby
gets. To prepare your school-aged child for a new baby,
-
Tell
your child what is happening in language she can understand.
Explain what having a new baby means and what changes may affect
her—both the good and the not so good.
-
Have
your older child help get things ready for the new baby by fixing
up the baby's room, picking out clothes, or buying diapers.
-
If
possible, have your older child come to the hospital soon after
the baby is born so she feels part of the growing family.
-
When
you bring the new baby home, make your older child feel that she
has a role to play in caring for the baby. Tell her she can
hold the baby, although she must ask you first. Praise her when
she is gentle and loving toward the baby.
-
Do
not overlook your older child's needs and activities. Let her
know how much you love her. Make an effort to spend some time alone
with her each day; use that as a chance to remind her how special
she is.
Published online:
3/08
Source: Sibling Relationships (Copyright © 2007 American
Academy of Pediatrics, updated 3/07)
Healthcare
professionals may order
this publication in multi-copy packs.
Parents can find more information on this topic in Caring for
Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12 . To order a copy of this
book visit the AAP Bookstore.
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The information
contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for
the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations
in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual
facts and circumstances.
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