-
Remember
that each child's needs are different. Some parents feel it's
important to treat their children the same way. Yet children often
complain that things are "not fair" and that they are
not receiving what the other sibling gets. Treating your children
differently doesn't mean you are playing favorites. It's a way of
showing that you appreciate how special they are.
-
While
it's natural to notice differences between your children, try not
to comment on these in front of them. It is easy for a child
to think that he is not as good or as loved as his sibling when
you compare them. Remember, each child is special. Let each one
know that.
-
As
much as possible, stay out of your children's arguments. While
you may have to help younger children find ways to settle their
differences, do not take sides. If your children try to involve
you, explain that they need to figure out how to get along. Of course,
you must get involved if the situation gets violent. Make sure your
children know that such behavior is not allowed. If there is any
reason to suspect that your children may become violent, watch them
closely when they are together. Preventing violence is always better
than punishing after the fact, which often makes the rivalry worse.
Praise your children when they solve their arguments, and reward
good behavior.
-
Be
fair. If you must get involved in your children's arguments,
listen to all sides of the story. Also, give children privileges
that are right for their ages and try to be consistent. If you allowed
one child to stay up until 9:00 pm at 10 years of age, the other
should have the same bedtime when he is 10.
-
Respect
your child's privacy. If it is necessary to punish or scold,
do it with the child alone in a quiet, private place. Do not embarrass
your child by scolding him in front of the others.
-
Family
meetings can be a great way to work out sibling issues. Some
parents find that sharing some of their own experiences about growing
up can help too. Just listening to your children can also help.
Remember, this is their opportunity to learn about the give-and-take
of human relationships.
Why siblings
get along the way they do
Many
things affect relationships between brothers and sisters. Some of
these are
Personality.
Parents often wonder how children from the same parents growing up
in the same home can be so different. In fact, siblings are sometimes
more different than alike. Even if siblings are alike in some ways,
it is important for parents to recognize the unique personality of
each of their children.
Age. Children
of different ages behave differently. For example, younger children
may fight in more physical ways. As they get older, their fighting
may be more like arguments.
Gender.
Gender affects relationships as well. Many parents find that children
of the same sex compete with each other more than do opposite-sex
children.
Family size,
spacing, and birth order. No two children view the family the
same way. An only child's experience is different from that of a child
in a larger family. Children who are less than 2 years apart sometimes
have more conflict than children who are spaced further apart.
Published online:
3/08
Source: Sibling Relationships (Copyright © 2007 American
Academy of Pediatrics, updated 3/07)
Healthcare professionals
may order this publication
in multi-copy packs.
Parents can find more information on this topic in Caring for Your
School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12 . To order a copy of this book
visit the AAP Bookstore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The information
contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for
the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations
in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual
facts and circumstances.
Sibling
Rivalry