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The
7 C's of Resilience - Competence
Competence
Competence is ability
rooted in experience. Children acquire competence by mastering tasks
and facing challenges. Competence is cumulative; the more they master
life experiences, the more children realize, "I handled that; now
I can handle this," and develop genuine confidence in themselves.
With a strong sense of competence comes tenacity, an ability to stick
with tough tasks and solve difficult problems. Safety also follows competence
because children who trust in their own abilities have an easier time
standing firm in their own values and making their own decisions.
Competence is the first
of the 7 Crucial Cs to consider because it provides the bedrock for resilience.
Without genuine competence, it is unlikely the other 6 Cs could be developed.
A parent's role in fostering competence requires an understanding of several
key subjects.
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Getting out
of the way! Normal child development occurs because children are
wired to build new knowledge and skills from each experience. Sometimes
we do our best as adults when we get out of their way.
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Play is one
of the major jobs of childhood. It is filled with opportunities
for a child to discover her own competencies. We must allow plenty
of time for free child-driven play, the most effective type of play
in terms of children becoming aware of their competence in the world.
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Noticing, praising,
and criticizing. Competence is enhanced or hindered by the ways
that parents communicate and interact with children. New skills
and abilities are reinforced when parents notice and praise them.
Criticism, when given harshly or insensitively, can undermine a
child's ability to become more competent. When criticism is offered
as constructive, targeted feedback, it can enhance growing competence.
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Thinking clearly.
Sometimes the way we think prevents us from recognizing our competence
and paralyzes confidence. This is true for children, too. To be
able to get past difficulties, we first have to be able to stop
thinking in a self-destructive manner.
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No more lectures.
Though our advice is offered with good intentions, parental guidance
often undermines children's growing competence. In short, lecturing
backfires. We need to know how children think so that we can put
them in the driver's seat as they develop solutions for themselves.
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Guiding children
to find the right choices. Parents can use specific skills to steer
kids toward making their own wise, safe decisions in the face of
peer pressure.
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Media literacy.
Young people need to be able to sift through all the media-driven
messages so that they can be in control of their own opinions and
their own self-image.
The
7 C's of Resilience
Home
Excerpted from the AAP Patient
Education brochure, "Helping
Your Child Cope With Life" published by the American Academy of
Pediatrics. Copyright © 2006 American Academy of Pediatrics. All rights
reserved.
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