The 7 C's of Resilience - Connection

Connection

Close bonds to people who provide stability and attention are essential to healthy child development and fostering resilience. One adult can make this critical difference in a child's life. Resilience research and literature consistently demonstrates that guidance and support from a caring adult is pivotal in determining whether a young person can overcome challenges. Hopefully children will have several supportive people in their lives, like parents, relatives, peers, teachers, and clergy.

Connection to others gives children an essential sense of belonging, from infancy when parents are the center of their world to an ever-widening circle as they grow and step into a larger community. Most parents recognize the significance of infant-parent bonding, but we may forget that forging new ties to other people is important throughout childhood and adolescence. These connections are necessary for children to develop trust.

When children know that other people care for them and will support them through thick and thin, they gain a strong sense of security, which is essential if they are to remain resilient. Without that social foundation, kids are reluctant to test themselves and try new ventures. If they won't take such risks, they may remain isolated and timid. They won't move forward to develop new competencies and confidence.

Listening is the starting point of every good human interaction. We may think we're listening to our children when we are only hearing their chatter. Hearing the noise and listening to the meaning in their words are entirely different.

The guidance you offer will be less effective you don't first become a good listener. Give yourself the gift of losing the fantasy that you're supposed to have all the answers. Free yourself from the myth that says good parents always have ready solutions. If you believe that myth, you'll never feel adequate as a parent because no one has all the answers. Instead, know that if you listen well, your children will always have someone on their side to help them unload their worries and develop their own solutions.

The 7 C's of Resilience

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Excerpted from the AAP Patient Education brochure, "Helping Your Child Cope With Life" published by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Copyright © 2006 American Academy of Pediatrics. All rights reserved.