Co-Parenting and Screen Time: Creating Consistent Media Rules Across Households

Question: I am divorced from my daughter's mom. We are struggling to determine appropriate apps for our 13-year-old daughter, and we disagree at times. Is there any guide or assistance to help us to align? It would be helpful to determine a plan for now that we can revisit and modify in the future.

Answer: Thank you for this question. It’s common for parents to disagree about a child’s media use, especially as they get older and are exposed to new types of media. Parents may bring different experiences, views, and concerns to these decisions, which can make it hard to agree on consistent rules. At the same time, those different perspectives can help your child learn from each of you about both the benefits and risks of different types of media.  

There is no one right answer about what types of media are appropriate for your child and when, but having a single set of consistent rules is really helpful.  

Kids report that it can get confusing when rules are different across houses, particularly when they bring technology devices, such as phones, along and use them to help manage their life across their homes and stay emotionally connected to both parents. They also share that disagreement and inconsistent rules across households are common. 

Making a Plan Together 

Although there is no one right answer, there are several tools and approaches you can use together to develop a set of consistent rules. 

The Family Media Plan 

The Family Media Plan from the AAP helps families set priorities and create media and technology rules that work for the whole family. It includes prompts to help you think through which content or apps your child is allowed to use. You can also add guidelines about specific apps or privacy and safety settings so the plan better fits your family’s needs. For example, if you are more nervous about an app but your child and other parent feel strongly about using it, you could help identify the privacy and safety settings your child will have for that app. 

The plan is interactive and can be revisited over time. You can create a plan together when your child is 13 and revisit it on a regular basis, such as every summer or yearly on their birthday. That way, you do not have to wait until they are 15 to adjust it as needed.  

Focusing on Content 

Another part of the plan may be to make decisions together about what types of content will be allowed depending on what type of media your child is viewing. For example, you could decide that you won’t watch media that has a lot of violence with your child. This approach allows you to make choices based on ratings and content, rather than having to discuss each show or movie one at a time. To help, you can review safety and content ratings for movies, tv shows, games, and social media sites on Common Sense Media. 

Getting Started  

One approach is to ask your child to share ideas for the plan first, and then have both parents review, discuss, and agree on the final expectations. It can also be helpful to include other caregivers or people your child spends time with, such as grandparents or babysitters, so everyone understands the same basic rules.  

Aligning on one set of rules across households can be challenging, especially when parents disagree. One helpful approach is collaborative problem-solving, which focuses on empathy, collaboration, and skill-building. The steps include: 

1. Choose a time to talk when both of you can focus. Starting at a calmer moment can make the conversation feel more collaborative and help both parents be more open to each other’s perspective.  
2. Start with empathy instead of accusations. Ask your co-parent to share their concerns about your child’s media use, and listen before responding. Then share your own concerns about your child's media use. Try to avoid blaming or shaming language, and give each other space to respond. 
3. Talk about why consistent rules and boundaries across households matter. Then brainstorm possible shared rules, using the resources in this response as a starting point. Begin with areas where you already agree. If the conversation turns into an argument, take a break and revisit another time. 

Resources 

• Common Sense Media has ratings and reviews of social media apps, games, movies, and TV shows, including information on content areas such as violence or sexual content. This resource can help you gather information before developing guidelines around specific types of media. 
• The AAP Glossary of Digital Media Platforms provides an overview of different digital media platforms, including social media. It also offers guidance on platform settings, such as turning off notifications at certain hours of the day, as well as privacy settings and recommendations that can be useful when setting media boundaries or rules.  
• This tip sheet offers small, practical steps to help parents build healthy digital habits with their children, including guidance on the Family Media Plan.  
• AAP also has conversation starters to help you have meaningful conversations with your tween or teen about their time online. 

References 

Vaterlaus, J. M., & Reynolds, L. S. (2026). Adolescent Cell Phone Acquisition and Experiences Following Parental Separation and Divorce: An Exploratory Study. Marriage & Family Review, 62(3), 291-307.  

Age: 10-18 

Topics: Setting limits, parenting, parental controls, social media applications/phone applications, co-parenting, households 

Role: Parent/Caregiver