Connecting With Your Child Through Social Media

Question: How can I use social media to increase connection with my child, particularly when I try to start a conversation and they give one-word answers? 

Answer: If you're finding it tricky to talk to your child about their online experiences and get more than a "Yep" or "Nah" in response, you're not alone. Sometimes, it can feel like trying to crack a secret code. It might help to think of social media as a bridge rather than a barrier between you and your child. Here are some ways to get those conversations flowing:  

• Choose a good time to talk: Begin the conversation when you have some time and are able to focus, like in the car while driving to an activity or during a family dinner. Avoid these discussions right after an argument, when your child is tired after a long day at school or when your child’s friends are present. 
• Engage with curiosity: Start conversations about social media with genuine curiosity. Instead of yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions that encourage your child to share more about their experiences and opinions. For instance, "What's something interesting you saw online today?" or "How do you feel about the things you see that are posted and shared?". These questions show that you're genuinely interested in their thoughts and experiences. 
• Dive into their world: You don't have to be a social media expert, but knowing a bit about the platforms your child uses can open up opportunities for conversation. Ask them to show you how something works or to share a favorite post or account with you. Ask them why they like a certain app or account. It shows you're interested in what interests them.  
• Chat about the good stuff: Social media isn't all bad. It can be a space where kids find inspiration, laugh, and connect with friends. Talk about the positive things your child finds online. This could be a DIY project they saw on Pinterest or an inspiring story on Instagram. It's a great way to learn more about what resonates with them.  
• Set some ground rules together: Rather than presenting them with a list of rules, discuss and decide on healthy social media habits together. Talk about how long they think is reasonable to spend online, what kind of content is okay to post, and how to stay safe. Ask how they felt after using certain apps or platforms. This can help your child feel respected, make them more likely to open up, and more likely to follow boundaries you’ve agreed on.  
• Lead by example: Show your child how you make decisions about posting and engaging with content. Be mindful of your own social media use and the boundaries you set for yourself. Be honest about your own goals and how you work to meet them when it comes to your own social media use. Let them see you engaging positively online and being intentional about when and where you use devices, and they'll pick up on those habits too.  
• Make it a shared experience: Every now and then, explore social media together. Maybe there's a funny video you can laugh at together or a trending challenge you can try out. Maybe you share memes or follow a couple of accounts that you can talk about together. It's a fun way to make memories and show you care.  

Remember, the goal isn't to monitor their every move online but to build trust and communication. Show your child that you're there to support and understand them. This open line of communication and support will soon help turn those one-word answers into longer conversations.  

Here are some additional resources to help you talk to your child about social media:   

• Conversation Starters for Tweens and Teens About Media – This resource gives parents and guardians ideas and examples to help start conversations with tweens and teens about technology, social media, and video games. 
• Impact of Social Media on Youth (aap.org) – This portal response highlights some positive aspects of social media that parents may find helpful for discussion with their child.  
• Healthy Parenting and Digital Media Use – This portal response discusses how parents' use of digital media affects their children, offering insights on how to lead by example with your own digital habits.  
• Common Sense Media – This website is a valuable resource for parents looking to make informed decisions about movies, games, and other content. Parents choose age-appropriate games or movies to enjoy as a shared experience with their child. 

Editor’s Note: We’d like to acknowledge the National Council on Mental Wellbeing’s partnership with the Center and their expert advice in helping draft this response.

Age: 10-17 

Topics: Parenting tips, social media, digital safety, healthy social media habits, conversation starters, connection 

Role: Parent