Group Chats and Middle Schoolers: Risks, Readiness, and Parent Guidance

Question: Group chats might seem harmless, but they’re usually one of the first places kids are exposed to bullying, explicit content, body shaming, and potentially more. How can I best manage requests from my middle schoolers who would like to message friends online? What is the best approach to take and how do I know they are ready for it?

Answer: Thank you for asking this insightful question! It’s completely understandable to be concerned about how your child engages with others in group chats and online and how this can affect their wellbeing.  

The decision about when to allow your child to message others or join a group chat is a personal one that will vary between families and children. 

It can be challenging to identify whether your child may be ready, but there are steps you can take to help prepare your child to stay safe online. Although the research on group chats is limited, we are happy to share what we know and provide resources and strategies to help bolster your child’s communication skills before messaging others online.   

Possible Risks 

Research shows that some young people can experience bullying in online spaces and in group chats: 

• One research study found that about a third of young people between the ages of 13 to 24 experience online bullying. In another study, over half of 13-17-year-olds reported that they had been intentionally excluded from a group chat or group text. 
• Another study explored how adolescents think their friends would respond to different types of messages in a group chat, including friendly, funny, or aggressive messages. The researchers found that a majority of students anticipated their friends would respond with more aggressive messages if aggressive messages were already present in the group chats. This was not the case for friendly or joking messages. This suggests that teens are more likely to conform to group norms when responding to aggressive messages than they are to respond to friendly or funny messages, emphasizing the need for interventions that may reduce cyber-aggression and promote healthier digital interaction among young users. 
• Researchers also found that on the popular social media platform Reddit, over time, many of the group forums increasingly contained threatening and insulting language, which the researchers attributed to certain users spreading toxic behaviors, such as insults and threatening language, from one forum to another, changing the dynamic of the forum. This suggests negative attitudes can spread to areas where they were not initially identified if toxic behaviors are introduced.  
• It’s important to note that these studies were conducted in teens and adults – not in elementary- or middle school-aged children who are often the ones asking to join a friend or school-based group chat. In children 8-12 years old, underdeveloped impulse control and an underdeveloped ability to understand other people’s perspectives might lead to more social misunderstandings or (intentionally or unintentionally) rude group chat behavior. For these younger kids and tweens, more caregiver supervision is needed. 

Potential Benefits of Group Chats 

Research also suggests the potential benefits of group chats, especially in areas like providing peer support. One study reviewed the effectiveness of a WhatsApp group-chat-based intervention for young adults living with and receiving treatment for HIV and found several benefits of being involved in the group chat, such as receiving emotional support from peers, easily communicating with others, and feeling like they have a safe space to share their challenges. Although more research is needed, this study suggests group chats can help support adolescents with chronic conditions.  

There are many other potential benefits of social media use that arise from chat-based design features. Teens report that social media makes them feel more connected, helps them create new or maintain existing relationships and friendships, and provides a safe space to gain social support, especially from those they don’t frequently see in person. For more details about the benefits of social media, visit this previous portal response.  

Practical Tips for Parents and Caregivers 

If you choose to allow your child to participate in group chats and online messaging, there are some skills and strategies you can talk through together to help them feel more prepared and build healthy online habits.   

When is my child ready? There is no one right answer. When considering whether your child is ready to be part of group chats, you may want to be sure that they are aware of the risks, such as potential exposure to bullying or aggressive messages, and understand that the dynamic of the group could shift at times. Talk openly about what they can do if they experience those things. For example: 

• If your child is under 13 and has a phone or iPad, start with texting just a small friend group at first. This might be their best friends or a group they have met through a sports team, school play, or other activity. Choose peers who generally keep things positive. 
• Share with your child that you’d like to have the passcode to their device in case of an urgent or scary situation and that you may start by looking at their chats together to talk through how things are going. 
• If your child is 13 or older, group chats might include a platform like Snapchat, WhatsApp, or WeChat. Start with chats that involve only people they know in person and keep their account private, so they can’t be added to random group chats. 
• As they get older, if they use platforms like Discord or Reddit where large numbers of people who don’t know each other post about the same topic, make sure they know how to keep their account private, block direct messages, and report/block people who are acting inappropriately.  

Encourage positive relationships: Both online and offline, kids and teens should treat one another with respect and kindness. Encourage your child to build positive relationships with their peers and help them understand that rude online behaviors have the potential to do harm to others and themselves. Think about how you can serve as a healthy role model of positive and respectful communication. 

Support honest and transparent communication: Ideally, children should be comfortable turning to a responsible adult when they notice unacceptable behaviors taking place. Whether it is you or another trusted adult, be sure they know how to find help if they experience or see bullying in a group chat or online. 

Build digital citizenship skills: Identification of bullying behavior and respect when communicating online are just the beginning of group chat courtesy. There are many great resources online for both digital citizenship support and general bystander intervention. For example, Common Sense Media has a digital citizenship curriculum that is tailored based on grade level and covers important topics such as media literacy and privacy. Anti-bullying organizations can also have free resources for preventing bullying and harassment tailored to children and youth. For example, Right to Be provides free educational resources for youth and school organizations.  

Explore the 5 Cs of Media Use: Another framework that can be useful to identify whether your child is ready for group chats is the 5 Cs of Media Use. These age-based handouts discuss children’s developmental stages, how this influences media use, and healthy media habits to strive for at home. Exploring “Child” could help you evaluate what purposes your child uses media for, and what they hope to get out of their media use. You could also discuss the “Content” that your child might encounter and what to do if they see content that makes them feel uncomfortable. “Communication” is key, and we recommend having these conversations early and often. Don’t know where to start? Take a look at the Conversation Starters page on our website or consider some of the suggestions below: 

• "How is that massive high school group chat going? Is it spammy and aggressive, or more funny and supportive?" 
• "Do you ever mute any of your group chats? Why or why not?" 
• "I read an article that group chats can sometimes become toxic, or one person starts dumping on everyone else. Are any of your group chats getting out of control?" 
• "Has anyone ever been removed from your group chats? How did that go?" 

Educate yourself about group chat platforms: It is also important to note that group chats can take place on a variety of technology platforms, including through phones (e.g., text messages, WhatsApp), video games or gaming platforms, or on social media platforms (e.g., Snapchat, Facebook Messenger). Visit the Glossary of Digital Media Platforms to learn about the functions of different platforms that your child may use. The Center of Excellence generally recommends that children should wait until they are 13 years old to create their own social media account. 

Build a family media plan together: This resource contains a section on safety that may be a helpful guide. 

Talk to your child’s pediatrician: If you have concerns about bullying, we encourage you to discuss this with your child’s pediatrician. Pediatricians can promote healthy mental development by creating safe spaces for honest conversations, validating feelings and connecting young people with the support they need to thrive. 

You might also find these articles on our website helpful as you consider whether your child is ready to message friends online or join a group chat: 

• Age to Introduce Social Media – This previous portal response helps parents think through when to introduce social media to their child. 
• Your Child’s First Phone: Are They Ready? – This article from HealthyChildren.org provides tips about how to decide when to give your child their first phone.  

References  

• Almerekhi, H., Kwak, H., & Jansen, B. J. (2022). Investigating toxicity changes of cross-community redditors from 2 billion posts and comments. PeerJ Computer Science, 8, e1059.  
• Hinduja, S., & Patchin, J. W. (2025). Cyberbullying through the lens of trauma: an empirical examination of US youth. BMC Public Health, 25(1), 1709.  
• Kiirya, Y., Kitaka, S., Kalyango, J. et al. Acceptability of an online peer support group as a strategy to improve antiretroviral therapy adherence among young people in Kampala district, Uganda: qualitative findings. BMC Infect Dis 25, 461 (2025).  
• Kreuder, A., Frick, U., Klütsch, J., Haehn, L., & Schlittmeier, S. J. (2024). The effect of aggressive group norms on young adults’ conformity behavior in WhatsApp chats: A vignette-based experiment. Scientific Reports, 14(1), 17231.  
• UNICEF.org. UNICEF poll: More than a Third of Young People in 30 Countries Report Being a Victim of Online Bullying [Internet]. 2019. 

Age: 10-17 

Topics: Group chat, body shaming/bullying, messaging friends online  

Role: Parent