Social Media and Grooming

Question: What are the chances of being groomed on social media? 

Answer: Thank you for this important question. This can be a very sensitive topic, so we appreciate you reaching out to us. First, let’s start by defining what grooming is. 

What is grooming? 

Grooming is when someone works to build trust with another person, like a child or teen, with the goal of getting them to do something sexual or illegal. This can happen in person or online. Grooming can be hard to recognize because it often starts with a friendship or a mentorship that turns into manipulation, control, and sexual abuse over time – usually weeks, months, or even years. The person who does the grooming (sometimes called the “groomer” or the “offender”) may use gifts or threats to get the attention of the person they’re grooming and keep them under their influence. The groomer can be a stranger or someone that you know. Grooming can have lasting emotional and mental health effects like depression and anxiety. 

How common is grooming? 

One review found that as many as 30% of children and teens were contacted at least once online by a groomer, but not all were groomed or sexually abused. Not all victims report when this happens, so these rates could be even higher. These studies found that victims of cyberbullying, teens who sext, and teens who use social media more often are at higher risk for being groomed online. They also found girls were at a slightly higher risk of being targets of grooming than boys, but other experts have found that boys could be at higher risk through online gaming platforms.  

How do groomers contact teens? 

Online groomers often use social media and gaming to help them identify or talk to a target.  

They might: 

• Use an anonymous or fake social media account  
• Use private or vanishing messages  
• Watch live streams of teens to identify potential targets  
• Interact with a potential target on gaming platforms to build trust  

Groomers use many different strategies to get the attention of a teen and gain their trust. These include:  

• Lying about themselves  
• Pretending they are younger than they really are 
• Showing interest in the teen’s life and relationships  
• Talking about sex (for example, making jokes or asking about sexual experiences) 
• Showing affection and care toward the teen 
• Asking the teen to share pictures of themselves 
• Trying to persuade the teen to meet them in person 

Stages of Grooming 

There are usually three stages of grooming: 

1. Trust Development Stage: The groomer shares personal information about themselves, like their age, what they like/dislike, and stories about their past relationships and asks their target to share this information too. They may use words of affection like “sweetheart” in their chats or calls. 
2. Grooming Stage: After gaining trust, they start talking about sexual topics and use sexual terms in their chats or calls. During this stage, the victim might be tricked into sharing sexual images or doing sexual activities, and they might become isolated from their friends and family. This could lead them to trust the person who is grooming them even more. 
3. Approach Stage: In this stage, the groomer tries to convince their victim to meet in person. They might ask for information about their victim’s school or work schedules, their parents’ schedules, where the victim lives, etc.  

What can you do? 

There are strategies you can use to help protect yourself when you use any technology, including social media. If you are the victim of grooming, know that it is never your fault whether or not you use these or other prevention strategies. 

Use Privacy and Content Settings: Adjust your phone or social media settings to block suspicious users or set your accounts to private. To learn more about privacy and content settings, visit the AAP Glossary of Social Media Platforms.  

Learn the Signs: Learning the signs of grooming can help you recognize it if it is happening to you or someone you know. Childline explains the different signs of grooming, which include:  

• Asking you to keep things secret  
• Trying to find out things about you (for example, asking whether anyone can see the device you’re messaging them on) 
• Sending you sexual messages or images 
• Giving you gifts or compliments 
• Making you feel isolated or alone (for example, saying that you can’t trust other people or tell others) 
• Threatening you (for example, threatening to tell other people about something you’ve done) 
• Things are too good to be true (for example, they try to meet all your needs) 

Tell a Trusted Adult: If you or someone you know has been the target of grooming or if you’re not sure if what you’re experiencing is grooming, tell a trusted adult, such as a parent/guardian or your pediatrician. Remember: it is never your fault. 

Additional resources: 

• The RAINN website has prevention tips for parents and caregivers and children and adolescents, as well as strategies to reduce risk and increase safety online. 
• The AAP Teen Wellness Toolkit offers suggestions for ways to use social media in healthy ways that meet your goals. 
• Safe Kids Thrive has resources for schools, childcare centers, and other organizations that serve youth to prevent child sexual abuse. 

References  

• Cano, A.E., Fernandez, M., Alani, H. (2014). Detecting Child Grooming Behaviour Patterns on Social Media. In: Aiello, L.M., McFarland, D. (eds) Social Informatics. SocInfo 2014. Lecture Notes in Computer Science, vol 8851. Springer, Cham.  
• Gassó, A. M., Klettke, B., Agustina, J. R., & Montiel, I. (2019). Sexting, mental health, and victimization among adolescents: A literature review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 16(13), 2364.  
• Hernández, M. P., Schoeps, K., Maganto, C., & Montoya-Castilla, I. (2021). The risk of sexual-erotic online behavior in adolescents–Which personality factors predict sexting and grooming victimization? Computers in human behavior, 114, 106569.  
• Schoeps, K., Hernández, M. P., Garaigordobil, M., & Montoya-Castilla, I. (2020). Risk factors for being a victim of online grooming in adolescents. Psicothema, 32(1), 15.  
• Schulz, A., Bergen, E., Schuhmann, P., Hoyer, J., & Santtila, P. (2016). Online sexual solicitation of minors: How often and between whom does it occur? Journal of research in crime and delinquency, 53(2), 165-188.  
• Shiau, A. Y. A., Holden, O. L., Musacchio, S., Talwar, V., & Wit-Williams, S. D. (2025). Online child sexual exploitation and the role of computer-mediated communication: A scoping review. Journal of child sexual abuse, 34(5-6), 496-519.  

Age: 13-18 

Topics: Cybersafety, pornography, grooming, social media, sexual abuse 

Role: Adolescent/Youth