Talking to Your Parents about Parental Controls and other Monitoring Tools

Question: Should I have an app on my computer that lets my parents see what I’m doing?

Answer: This is a great question. Let’s start with some definitions. 

• Parental Controls are controls that can be set on devices (like phones, social media platforms, apps or televisions) that put limits on the time you can spend on that device or stop you from having access to certain types of information. 
• Monitoring Tools are apps or shared accounts that allow people (like your parents) to see what you do or the information you access on devices. 

Parental controls or monitoring apps can make it feel like you don’t have enough privacy or like your parents don’t trust you. At the same time, because the internet can be both helpful and risky, many parents want to keep their children safe online by using parental control settings or apps that can track your activity. 

We can’t tell you whether your parents should be able to see what you do on the internet. The answer depends on a lot of different things like how old you are, the rules your family has around media, what apps or websites you use on your computer, and the types of parental controls or monitoring apps they would like to use. The answer will be different for each family and can change as you get older.  

Talking with Your Parents 

If you are concerned or don’t agree with your parents about certain parental controls or having them monitor what you do on the computer, you can start by talking to them about how you’re feeling. Explain why you feel ready to use a computer without parental controls and/or tracking, and ask them to share what they are worried about. As you talk together, think about other strategies you can use to help you be responsible on the internet. You can ask them: 

• What are you worried about the most? 
• What should I stay away from while I am on the computer or internet? 
• What can I do to make myself safer? Are there tools, apps, or resources I should use? 

If your parents decide to use parental controls or other tools, you can ask them to talk about this again when you’re older. As you show you can be responsible online, your parents may choose to check in on what you do less often. 

Overall, some families find parental controls and monitoring apps to be helpful at certain ages or stages. We’ve found that these are most useful when combined with regular conversations (not lectures) and check-ins about technology use. 

Resources and Tips 

You and your parents can read our past portal responses about Parental Controls and Digital Monitoring and Parental Monitoring by Age, which have suggestions for ways your parents can support you that don’t involve parental control apps.  

Another option is to set up a Family Media Plan, which can help you set boundaries together that may make them feel more comfortable. There is a section on safety that might help. 

If you or your parents have questions, you can bring them up next time you see your doctor. 

Age: 10-15 

Topics: parental controls, parents, safety 

Role: Adolescent/Youth