Talking to Your Parents About Screen Time

Question: My parents have set strict time limits for my phone apps and when I try to talk about it with them, they ignore my concerns and instead talk about any bad grades I’ve had at school. How can I talk to my parents and have us compromise so that we are all happy? 

Answer: Thank you for asking us this question. We know this can be tough! It sounds like you might be having a hard time balancing phone use, school responsibilities, and family expectations, at least from your parents’ perspective. Talking about these kinds of things with your parents can be hard, especially after something has happened like failing a test. 

Try Setting Up a Contract 

One thing that some families say helps them is to set up a “contract,” that is, a written agreement that connects technology use guidelines with shared academic and personal goals. 

Doing this together can help you and your parents describe your goals, talk about what steps you will take to reach those goals, discuss any worries or concerns, and ask each other questions. As you talk to each other, the things you learn can help you set up what the rules of the contract will be. 

If you like this idea, it’s probably best to talk about the contract when you aren’t upset with each other or haven’t had a recent issue at school. It might be helpful to mention this idea to your parents first, and then set a time later to talk about it more. One thing you could say to them is: "I know we disagree about how I’m using my phone. I’d like to talk about setting up a contract with rules around when I can use my phone. Would tomorrow after dinner be an ok time to talk?" 

Plan Ahead! 

Before you meet, start thinking about your goals and what rules you think will help you achieve those goals and still connect to friends. During this meeting, you can share what your goals are at school and what kinds of rules you think are fair to help you meet those goals. You can also share what you enjoy about your time using social media, and what ways it helps you stay connected, or learn new things, or be entertained. Here are the kinds of questions you can think about together: 

• What are my goals at school? Is it to get a specific grade on each test or get a specific grade in each class? 
• How can using my phone sometimes make it harder for me to meet those goals? 
• What are the ways that social media or other apps on my phone help me? (For example, does it help you stay in touch with your friends, learn new things, or something else?) 
• What rules can we put in place to help me balance my schoolwork and the fun things I get out of using my phone or other screens? 
• What happens if I don’t reach my goal, or I don’t follow through on the rules? 
• When can we talk about this again and think about updating the contract? 

An Example 

Here’s an example of something you could say to your parents, but be sure to use your own goals and strategies, and say it in your own words! 

"My goal is to get a B or better on my next 3 tests.  

My strategy will be to do most of my studying in study hall, since my teacher is there to help. I'd like to set a rule that if I use my time in study hall to study, then I can use my phone to talk to my friends for 30 minutes on weekdays, and 60 minutes on weekends.  

I'm worried that if a test is really hard, I might not get a B or better on all 3 tests.  

So, my other strategy is if I think a test will be hard, I'd like to swap out the time I usually spend on TV that week with studying, so I can keep my phone time because that’s how I connect to my friends.  

Does this sound like an ok approach?" 

Once you agree on a plan, you can write it down in a contract. Check out the resources section below for an example.

Here’s another tip: when you're thinking about what goals you want to set, think about the 5 Cs of Media Use. For example, you don't want your technology use to crowd out studying, sleep or time in person with friends and family. As you’re thinking about your goals, you can also check out the Teen Wellness Toolkit, which has other resources for building healthy digital habits and finding balance. Before you meet with your parents, think about how you want to use your phone and screen time to make sure those other important things don't get crowded out and you’re able to find balance. Share those ideas with your family! 

Resources 

• Contract Template: Here’s a template your family can use, or feel free to create your own version if this one doesn’t feel right for your family. 
• 5 Cs of Media Use: Share this page with your parents and talk through the 5 Cs together. Ask them if they are more worried about any of the “Cs” when it comes to your screen time. 
• Family Media Plan: This is another tool you can use with your family to set boundaries around your media use and screen time to help you meet your goals. 

Age: 13 

Topics: social media, parental monitoring, parental controls, screen time  

Role: Youth