The Importance of Playing With Your Child

Question: What type of play is important for young children? Should I be playing with my child? 

Answer: 

What is play and why is it important?  

There are many ways to define “play,” but generally speaking, play is voluntary, lively, and fun! Play helps children and parents in many ways. Research shows that screen-free play can help children build: 

• planning and problem-solving skills, 
• language skills, 
• early math skills, 
• social skills, 
• friendships and positive peer relationships, 
• movement and physical development, 
• overall health, and 
• confidence and a sense of “I can do this.” 

Outdoor play is also linked with children’s movement, vision, thinking skills, and mental health. Studies show that time outdoors can support better mood, attention, focus in class, and settling down after play. It may also be linked with declines in difficult behavior, depression, and aggression. Playing in nature gives children space to explore, follow their curiosity, and support their immune systems. 

Adults can also benefit by playing with children! Parents may also feel happier and more connected when they play with their children. Play can bring back the joy of their own childhood and help them see the world better through their children’s eyes. When parents and kids play together, it can strengthen their bond and make it easier to talk, listen, and understand each other.  

Do moms and dads play differently?   

Research shows that fathers often spend much of their playtime with children doing active, physical play like chasing, wrestling, tickling, or bouncing a child on their knees. Mothers may be more likely to join in pretend play, social games, or toy-based play. But every child is different, and all kids of loving, engaged play can be valuable.  

Studies also suggest that play with mothers and fathers may support children in different ways. For example, some research has found that mothers’ guidance around friendships can help preschool girls build social skills, while more frequent father-child play has been linked with boys’ ability to manage feelings, get along with others, and make friends. While more research is needed, the main takeaway is clear: children benefit when all caregivers have chances to play with them!  

What role does digital media have in play?  

The COVID-19 pandemic reduced the amount of time kids spend playing outside and with friends, further increasing time spent playing alone online. Research shows that this trade-off increased media use and lowered play time outdoors, reduced physical activity, increasing risks of a sedentary lifestyle and childhood obesity.  

Screens like TV, video games, smartphones, and tablets can sometimes make play more passive. Instead of creating, moving, pretending, or playing with others, children may spend more time watching or reacting to what is on the screen. Too much device time can also get in the way of the back-and-forth connection that happens when parents and children play together. Shared screen time can still be meaningful when parents watch or play along, talk about what they see, and connect it to real life. But children learn and grow most from everyday in-person play by talking, laughing, pretending, moving, and exploring with the people who care for them.   

What can parents do to make more time for play? 

Unfortunately, there are multiple barriers that can get in the way of play, including:  

• safety concerns about playing outside,  
• parents' availability and stress levels,  
• societal norms, and  
• the space and resources for playing at home. 

Fortunately, research has found that parents can be a big support when it comes to encouraging and instilling values of play in their children. In addition, siblings and peers can positively influence children to play together (or help young children mimic what their sibling is doing!).   

Adults’ schedules have become busier and you may sometimes feel burned out or like your battery has run out. Some tips to get through these feelings of burnout are to:  

• Remind yourself that this can (and does) happen to anyone!  
• Take a moment to reflect on what has created this feeling of burnout and reframe what self-care means to you.  
• Look to family and friends for help and let go of that impossible standard society has on parents today.  

Once you’re in a mindset where you are ready to play, here are a few practical ideas for making it happen:  

• Think of activities that you loved as a child – drawing with crayons, jumping rope, freeze dance – and try those out with your child. Your own joy will inspire your child’s.  
• Think outside the toy box. Play doesn’t necessarily need toys. It can be silly faces, word games and jokes, or chasing and tickling – whatever makes you and your child laugh.  
• Use simple and affordable toys. Toys don’t have to be fancy or expensive. A deck of cards, pencils and paper, a ball or blocks can all provide open-ended play experiences that let your child’s imagination do more.  
• Explore a local thrift store. Many thrift stores have puzzles or gently used board games that you can purchase and then exchange.  
• Take 15 minutes. If your day is really busy, take just 15 minutes after work or dinner to cozy up and read, put on music, or get on the floor to play a game. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb and turn the TV off, since these distract from play.   
• Be open to what your child wants to do and how they want to play. Restricting their activity and overly directing their play can lead to behavioral problems like acting out and tantrums. On the other hand, following your child’s lead but providing supportive feedback or structure during play is linked with better child emotional health.   
• Seek support if you have experienced trauma or have trouble connecting with your child. Parents who have experienced trauma may struggle with some of the emotional engagement that occurs during play, and may need therapeutic support to feel more attuned to their child. 
• Remember there’s no “right” way to play. Play is different to every family and child. If it feels awkward or silly to you at first, keep trying at it, and find some activities that feel right to you and your family.   

References 

• Amodia-Bidakowska, A., Laverty, C., & Ramchandani, P. G. (2020). Father-child play: A systematic review of its frequency, characteristics and potential impact on children’s development. Developmental Review, 57, 100924.  
• Dankiw, K.A, Tsiros, M.D., Baldock, K.L., & Kumar, S. (2020) The impacts of unstructured nature play on health in early childhood development: A systematic review. PLoS ONE, 15(2): e0229006.   
• Hesketh, K. R., Lakshman, R., & van Sluijs, E. M. F. (2017). Barriers and facilitators to young children's physical activity and sedentary behaviour: a systematic review and synthesis of qualitative literature. Obesity Reviews, 18: 987–1017. doi: 10.1111/obr.12562.  
• Kourti, A., Stavridou, A., Panagouli, E., Psaltopoulou, T., Tsolia, M., Sergentanis, T.N., & Tsitsika, A. (2021). Play Behaviors in Children during the COVID-19 Pandemic: A Review of the Literature. Children, 8(706).    
• Lambert, A., Vlaar, J., Herrington, S., & Brussoni, M.. (2019). What Is the Relationship between the Neighbourhood Built Environment and Time Spent in Outdoor Play? A Systematic Review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 16(20): 3840.   
• Maitland, C., Stratton, G., Foster, S., et al. (2013). A place for play? The influence of the home physical environment on children’s physical activity and sedentary behaviour. Int J Behav Nutr Phys Act, 10(99).   
• Schneider, M., Falkenberg, I., & Berger, P. (2022). Parent-Child Play and the Emergence of Externalizing and Internalizing Behavior Problems in Childhood: A Systematic Review. Frontiers in Psychology, 13: 822394.   
• Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., et al. (2018). AAP Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, AAP Council on Communications and Media. The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. Pediatrics, 142(3):e20182058

Age: 2-10 

Topics: Parents, early childhood, middle childhood, play, unstructured play, nature play, child-led play, free play, co-play  

Role: Parent