Should Kids Under 13 Use Social Media to Connect With Friends?

Question: Is social media a good way for kids under 13 to connect with each other?   

Answer: This is a great question! At this age (about 9 to 12 years old), your brain is going through a lot of growth and changes. It’s a time when you learn more about who you are, what matters to you, and how to navigate the world. Building social connections now is important because these relationships give you someone to talk to, help build your confidence, and give you support through some big life moments. While social media might seem like a good way to connect, we recommend waiting until at least age 13 before using social media because the risks outweigh the benefits. 

Why Connection is Important 

Being connected to other people means you feel cared for, supported, and like you belong. This can help you have better mental health, especially when you feel connected to people at school, with your parents and with people your age. For example, teens who feel more connected with parents and friends are less likely to feel depressed and anxious. Feeling connected at school also makes it less likely that a teen will use drugs. So overall, when kids your age feel cared for, supported, safe, and that they belong, they tend to have better mental health and are less likely to have other health issues.  

Social Media Use Under 13 

While social media might seem like a good way to connect with your friends or peers, we recommend waiting until you are at least 13 before you start using social media because the risks of having social media outweigh the benefits. You can check out this previous portal response, which describes some of the risks of using social media for kids under 13, like not getting enough sleep, worse mental health, and safety issues. Social media can also lead to negative things like bullying, unwanted sexual advances, or comparing yourself to others – and research has found that this happens more often for kids 9-12 years old than for teens 13 and older. So, we can’t recommend that kids under 13 use social media to connect with friends. We do have some ideas for other ways for you to connect with people outside of social media, though! 

Building relationships without social media 

There are lots of people you can build connections with like friends, family members, teachers, coaches, youth pastors, or other trusted adults, and there are many ways you can connect with people that don’t involve social media.  

Not sure how to stay in touch with your friends or make new ones without social media? Try these tips! 

• Start small – Do you want to make new friends? Start with a simple hello! Maybe you ask them to eat lunch with you or ask them to work on homework together. 
• Hang out with current friends at home – Try inviting a friend over after school or asking them to learn a new hobby with you, like baking or sewing. You can also ask your friends what they like to do for fun and offer to join them. 
• Be pen pals – Do you like writing? Maybe you could be pen pals with a friend and send fun letters to each other. People love getting handwritten letters! 
• Call or message – Call your friends on the phone or send them a message on messaging apps, like iMessage, Messenger Kids, or Kinzoo. 
• Spend time doing something you enjoy – Join a club, team/sport, the school band, or try out for the school play – whatever you enjoy doing! It’s easier to talk to other people when they like doing the same things as you. 
• Get involved outside of school – Ask your parents to help you find something you can do outside of school, like go to a library program, art class, or volunteer opportunity, where you can meet other people. You can also ask a friend to go with you. 
• Talk to a trusted adult – A parent, caregiver, teacher, coach, counselor, relative, youth pastor, or club leader can be someone you can talk to and may be able to help you find ways to meet other kids your age. 
     

References 

• Eugene D. R. (2021). Connectedness to Family, School, and Neighborhood and Adolescents' Internalizing Symptoms. International journal of environmental research and public health, 18(23), 12602.   
• Raniti, M., Rakesh, D., Patton, G. C., & Sawyer, S. M.. (2022). The role of school connectedness in the prevention of youth depression and anxiety: a systematic review with youth consultation. BMC Public Health, 22(1).   
• Rose, I. D., Lesesne, C. A., Sun, J., et al. (2024). “The Relationship of School Connectedness to Adolescents’ Engagement in Co-Occurring Health Risks: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Journal of School Nursing, 40(1), 58–73. 

Age: 9-12 years old 

Topics: Social Media, Mental Health 

Role: Adolescent/Youth