Why Losing Access to Devices Feels So Difficult for Teens

Question: Is it normal to be super upset when my parents take away my phone and computer?” 

Answer: Thank you for this thoughtful question. It makes sense that losing access to your phone or computer feels hard. You are not alone in feeling that way. When your phone, laptop, or other device is taken away, even temporarily, it can feel like you have been cut off from your friends and social outlets. It is okay to be frustrated or anxious by that loss of connection.  

Your feelings are normal. 

In fact, several researchers have looked into how teens feel depending on whether they have access to their phones or not. They found that many teens have a complicated relationship with their phones. 

• In one research study, teens reported feeling a wide range of emotions when they didn’t have their phones, including happy (74% of teens), peaceful (72% of teens), anxious (44% of teens), upset (40% of teens), and lonely (39% of teens). It seems that sometimes not having their phone helps them to feel better, and other times, not having their phone makes them feel worse.  
• Another study showed that teens reported better moods while using their phones. 
• A review of several studies suggests that for some teens, using their phone can be a way of coping with stress and difficult feelings. The researchers found that teens who have a harder time managing difficult emotions tend to struggle more with problematic phone use, although it’s not clear if having a hard time managing emotions leads them to more problems with phone use, or if problematic phone use makes it harder to manage emotions. 

Thriving Without Your Phone or Computer 

Let’s look at some ideas to help you manage stress and uncomfortable feelings when you don’t have your phone or computer. These suggestions can even help when not having your phone or computer is what causes you to have these strong emotions in the first place. 

Use the Calm Toolbox: When your phone or computer is not available and you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, you may want to try some calming techniques. A great place to start is The Calm Toolbox. The activities in this toolbox can help calm your nervous system by slowing your breathing and heart rate, providing a positive distraction, or providing a physical outlet for releasing energy. You can print out the PDF version to have as a resource in times when you are offline. 

Find Offline Activities: While it’s okay to use screens and media in healthy ways, it is important that you also have time to do other activities, have outlets for relaxing, and practice mindful media use. These activities can help you rest and recharge, focus on physical activity, schoolwork, and spending time with loved ones. Replacements can include moving your body (e.g., playing sports, riding a bike, going on a walk), relaxing activities (e.g., doing a face mask, taking a shower or a bath, or journaling), and creative activities (e.g., making scrapbooks or starting a new art project). You might also be interested in exploring some interests or hobbies that connect to your online interests, such as: 

• If you enjoy making digital art or posting photo dumps on social media, consider making a scrapbook or photo album. 
• If you like learning new things online, consider trying a new restaurant or exploring a new shop, bookstore, or library you haven’t been to before. 
• If you like playing phone games, consider doing crossword, sudoku, puzzles, or word search. 
• If you enjoy expressing yourself creatively online, consider doing a DIY (do-it-yourself) project or making art, such as painting, drawing, or pottery. Many community centers offer free programs and classes. 
• If you like playing online games with friends, consider finding a library or activity center that offers groups for people to play board games together in person. Or invite some friends over for a card/board game night. 

Talking with Your Parents 

It’s likely that your parents, like many parents, are coming from a place of caring about you when they take away your phone and computer. Many parents see screen time and social media as both beneficial and risky, and feel they need some boundaries. When they limit your technology use or screen time, it’s probably because they want you to get some real breaks.  

But your feelings matter too, and it’s okay to feel frustrated. Talk to them about these feelings. 

Not sure where to start? Here are some resources you can use to help you have these conversations: 

• Check out these tips to help you talk to your parents.  
• Family Media Plan: You might want to fill in a Family Media Plan together, which can help you come up with ideas for rules, guidelines, and shared media experiences together as a family. Plus, you and your family can use it as a tool to talk about different kinds of technology in your life.  
• 5 Cs of Media Use: Another framework that can help you and your family think about how to have balanced media habits is the 5 Cs of Media Use. The 5 Cs are based on the individual child (or teenager), the content of the media you are using, ways to calm down that don’t include using media, what activities or behaviors the media might be crowding out, and ongoing communication. If you don’t know what to say or how to start the conversation, the questions below, based on the 5 Cs, might help you open up with them. Be sure to put these into your own voice! 

Child 

• Can I talk to you about my phone/computer/tech use, and how things are going?    
• Here are some ways I’m using my phone/computer/social media these days. What do you like to do? Are there things we could do together?  
• Here’s something I’m struggling with when it comes to my phone/computer/media use lately. Do you have any advice? Have you ever had anything similar happen to you?   
• I hear a lot of people say that teens are using their phones too much. Were there technologies that people worried about when you were young? How did you feel about that?  
• What were some of your favorite ways to use media or technology when you were young? Do you think I have any similar interests? 

Content  

• Here are some things I enjoy on social media/my phone/my computer. What about you? Are there things we could do or watch together?  
• Can I show you a couple of things I think are funny/cool/cute? Have you seen anything that you think I’d like or think is funny? Is there anything you want to show me? 
• Sometimes I see weird content or things that make me uncomfortable when I’m on my phone/computer/social media. Here are some ways I deal with it. Are there other things you think I should try? What do you do in those situations? 

Calm  

• Do you have any advice about how to manage stress? What are some things you do to calm down or relax after a hard day?   
• Do you ever use media or technology to feel calm or to distract yourself?  
• What other strategies do you think I should try?     

Crowd Out 

• In school, we hear about how important sleep is and that phones can get in the way of getting enough quality sleep. Do you have any tips or suggestions to help me manage that? 
• Do you have a hard time with your phone/computer/tv getting in the way of getting good sleep? 
• I’ve been using my phone settings to help with this. What do you do? 
• Sometimes I have a hard time putting my phone down when I’m together with my friends, or when we have family at the house. How can I manage that better? How can I be more present? 
• I heard that media use can get in the way of getting enough exercise. I like to use technology when I exercise, like listening to music when I work out or watching exercise videos. Do you think this is ok? Do you use media or tech when you exercise? 

Communication 

• Be open and respectful to your parents’ input and understand that each other’s experiences are valid and important.  
• These conversations can be learning opportunities for both your parents and you to learn about tech and media, and about each other! 

While you’re at it, you can also share with your parents the 5 Cs User Guide for Parents and the Conversation Starters for Families, both aimed to help families have more open and supportive conversations about media use.  

References 

• Anderson, M., Faverio, M., & Park, E. (2024, March 11). Screen time: US teens’ and parents’ experiences, approaches. Pew Research Center.  
• Fam, J. Y., Männikkö, N., Juhari, R., & Kääriäinen, M. (2023). Is parental mediation negatively associated with problematic media use among children and adolescents? A systematic review and meta-analysis. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science / Revue Canadienne Des Sciences Du Comportement, 55(2), 89–99.  
• Faverio, M., Anderson, M., & Park, E. (2025, April 22). Social Media and Teens’ Mental Health: What Teens and Their Parents Say. Pew Research Center.  
• Godard, R., De France, K., Ng, Z.J. et al. Adolescent technology use and affective well-being: Taking a more nuanced look. Curr Psychol 45, 385 (2026).  
• Minich, M., & Moreno, M. (2024). Real-world adolescent smartphone use is associated with improvements in mood: An ecological momentary assessment study. PLOS ONE, 19(5), e0298422.   
• Nagata, J.M., Paul, A., Yen, F. et al. Associations between media parenting practices and early adolescent screen use. Pediatr Res 97, 403–410 (2025).  
• Nagata, J. M., Huang, O., Hur, J. O., Li, E. J., Helmer, C. K., Weinstein, E., & Moreno, M. A. (2025). Health Benefits of Social Media Use in Adolescents and Young Adults. Current Pediatrics Reports, 13(1), 22.  
• Shahidin, S. H., Midin, M., Sidi, H., Choy, C. L., Nik Jaafar, N. R., Mohd Salleh Sahimi, H., & Che Roos, N. A. (2022). The Relationship between Emotion Regulation (ER) and Problematic Smartphone Use (PSU): A Systematic Review and Meta-Analyses. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(23), 15848. 

Age: 10-17 

Topics: screen limits, parent restriction, parent intervention, emotional regulation, teens 

Role: Adolescent